Waterboy is an ethnographic treatment of a generationally-recurring dream my father began having in 1989. 

In May 2023, I recorded my father recounting the dream--about rabbits--which opened into a dialogue about responsibility, obligation, the United States Marine Corps, quaaludes, tongue thrusts, bedwetting, water scarcity, and God. 

This is an open (mammoth) project that currently takes form as a complex-bound book which holds a multi-voice textual component, archival and fine art photographs, drawings, and re-appropriated cursive practice.

cover of the notebook in which the dream was originally recorded in 1989.

Waterboy excerpts

Waterboy components

conversation excerpt

D: That recurring dream happened many times that I would have the urge to call my dad and say, “Hey, take care of those rabbits”. I would call my dad every week, on Sundays, he would look out for my call. When I would call him in my dream, I’d say, “Dad, you remember those rabbits…They are being taken care of, right?”

J: Did you ever tell him?

D: I don’t think I ever told him. I had it so many times. In one dream, we had been there for hours, nice visit and everything, and then we left and I thought…oh my gosh. I forgot to check on the rabbits, and I forgot to even mention it to my dad. Do you think he’ll remember? And I was so concerned. That’s when I would wake up. I was so concerned and I would be so shook up that in the morning I would be soaked. I didn’t know for sure that the rabbits are being cared for. And then, a few nights later, I would have that dream again. And, sometimes, I would say, “Oh my gosh I think I forgot to remind him of the rabbits”.

They were just dreams.

—

J: I came across an old notebook where I wrote that I do not particularly like rabbits, but absolutely hate they way they look when they are hurt. I am not drawn to rabbits, but they’re kind of the last thing I want to see suffer.

I am wondering if I am here, with all these rabbits, because of this dream that you had.

D: I don’t remember telling you kids the dream, but maybe there was something there that made you feel a certain responsibility toward rabbits.

I told the dream a few times, and always, people can relate to it, because people always seem to be worried about something that isn’t theirs, and neglecting the thing that is. There is no peace in that.

—

D: More and more I see that there are not coincidences.

J: Not for everyone, I do not think so.

D: I love your point. I guess I am thinking about the people whose hearts cry out for God, who find ourselves in impossible situations to solidify our reliance on God.

—

D: I thought there were more bad people than good.

I did not believe there were more good people than bad. I was in the Marines and had it proven to me that there were more bad people than good people.

I was so stressed out. I was devastated. I didn’t want to live anymore, but I didn’t want to disappoint my mother. I wanted to kill myself, but I didn’t want to disappoint my mother. I was looking for anything. I believed in a distant God. I didn’t believe he was a God of love but a God of judgement. I said to God, “Give me a reason to live by morning or I will blow my head off”. I made a deal with God.

I was a non-sleeper. I just didn’t sleep. I went into this deep trance. I was in hell, and that was the beginning of months that I did not sleep.  I was scared to sleep; I did not dare sleep for fear of going back into that trance. I kept finding myself in these trances that I couldn’t wake up from.

—

D: [The dream] was life changing because it was so devastating to me. I became extremely responsible to the things that I believed were my responsibility, to the point where no pet is unfed or unwatered around me. No person is just neglected as long as they are in my vicinity, They’re not left out--whether it is conversation, whether it is food, whatever. It really helped me. I do not really respect titles or positions. I see things in reverse of that. The most important people are the people that the world threw away. 

If I was laying in bed and realized I didn’t check the dogs water dish, or the cat’s water dish when we had the cat, I would have to get up out of bed, run down, and make sure they had water so they would not be thirsty at night if they needed to get up and get a drink.

Even though to some people that might be a really stupid thing, its not to me. When we neglect our own responsibilities in life, it is not a small thing. Looking for this notebook today, I am looking at our stuff, and I am so careful about what I gather, because, to me, whatever it is: material, if it is a book, you have to find a place for it you have to dust it, it has a spot in your life. Do you really want to add it to your life, whatever it is? It might look like a beautiful little mini bike to a kid, but it isn’t just to make you happy. It gonna break down, it needs gas, it needs oil, it needs its chain adjusted.

—

J: You have lost a lot of sleep wondering if the water level is low, but anytime we have had a dog get loose or run away….you never chased after a dog. I would be absolutely frantic. You would instead sit down and pour a bowl of cereal, for example. When I was young, I found it cruel, but I can see it as something else now. You would lose sleep over the water, but once they left the yard, you would sink into the deepest resolve.

Is there anything you want to say about dogs running away?

D: I love freedom, and that’s part of why I have such a hard time of being so locked into our society. I am all about freedom, for everybody--not more for this guy. I am all about freedom. If you think you should have a better home somewhere else, go ahead. It is dangerous out there. You will learn that too. I remember the cat wanting to run out all the time and it got out one night. In the morning, her eyes were like saucers. She was never quick to leave the house again. I think it’s a lesson pets got to learn.

My pets knew I loved them. If they were going to trade my love for whatever else was out there, I knew in my heart they were going to be back. Might not be the same day.

J: So it is confidence?

D: It is confidence. Confidence that no-one else seems to have when it comes to animals. I got complete confidence in them. I see the love in their eyes. Dogs maybe moreso than any other, though I am seeing more and more in all of creation.

Dogs are so faithful. It is part of their nature. Even when their masters are cruel to them, they’re faithful. I see some of that in all creation now. All these animals we did not give credit. If the conditions are right and they are shown love, they respond to it.